Sodapop and Ritalin
by Nonya B. Swackz
Summary: Edith goes on her monthly pranking spree and no one's safe. Can Gru, Margo, and Agnes stop her before it's too late, or will the 7-year-old pull off the ultimate prank?
1. Edith's Experiment

PRANK 1: EDITH'S EXPERIMENT

Edith, aged 7, was easily the most mischievous of Steve Gru's three daughters. Always up to something, always having to cover up her mahogany skirt-clad rear end. (Rather adorable, really...)

So it was no surprise when Dr. Nefario hit her with this question when she wandered into the lab one day:

"What're ya doing here, Pinky?"

'Pinky'. Edith couldn't tell if Uncle Nefario gave her and her sisters these nicknames out of love or if he straight-up couldn't remember their real names. 'Maybe both,' she thought.

"Whaddaya mean, what am I doing?" Edith said, smiling and batting her eyelashes innocently. "Can't a girl walk into her Dad's lab without getting asked a gazillion questions?"

Dr. Nefario waved her off airily.

"Eh, whatever," he grunted, continuing his work on the Truth Serum Gun (TSG) Gru had ordered, not noticing Edith sneaking along the shelf behind him. "Just don't play with anything. Gru got you girls that toy box for a reason."

While Nefario still had his back turned, Edith grabbed a stepstool and poured a bottle of Sir Pranxter's Exploding Science Juice in the inventor's Truth Serum, then ran back into the living room, where Margo was reading a book and Agnes was having a tea party with Fred and Phil, respectively.

A smirk grew on Edith's face as she began the countdown. "1...2...3!"

KABOOM!

Smoke erupted from the lab down below, and Dr. Nefario screamed, making both of Edith's sisters jump.

Edith burst into raucous laughter as a dazed and black-faced Nefario appeared in the entrance tube, swaying slightly.

"Sorry, Books," the inventor slurred, addressing Margo. "Ya can't have that Prince o' yours, I'm smoked."

And he collapsed on the hardwood floor, unconscious. Agnes, looking concerned, passed her Uncle a teacup.

Edith, still giggling, looked triumphant.

"BOOYA! You just got EDITH'D, Uncle Nefario!" she cried.

Her older sister raised an eyebrow.

"'Edith'd'? Really?"

"I know, AWESOME, isn't it?" Edith said with another giggle.

Her mission accomplished, she turned on her heel.

"I'm gonna go play with my planes. Later!"

And she skipped upstairs to their room, at the same moment Gru entered the living room, demanding an explanation for the ruckus.

Margo rolled her eyes.

"Edith's on her pranking spree again."

Agnes gasped and hid under the party blanket.

"No, no! I don't wanna be pranked! Daddy, help me!"

Gru looked at the 5-year-old for a moment, then turned back to Margo.

"Vut do you mean, 'pranking spree'?" he asked as he picked up Agnes, who clutched his neck tightly.

"She goes through this phase where she pulls as many pranks as she can for an entire month," Margo replied, returning to her book.

"Vell, she eez only 7," Gru said with a weak chuckle. "How many pranks could a 7-year-old possibly pull?"

"You'll see," Margo said darkly.


	2. She's My Cherry Pie

PRANK 2: SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE

Edith was coloring on the dining room floor, swinging her legs and humming to herself.

Presently, Margo came into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of chocolate milk, and Edith got a sudden idea for a good prank.

She waited until her older sister left, then dashed into the kitchen to set up her prank.

Edith got a pie tin out and put a spring in it; then she covered it with whipped cream and put a cherry on top for good measure and put it in the fridge.

Her prank all set up, the 7-year-old smoothed her skirt, adjusted her beloved wool hat, and strode confidently into the living room, where her 10-year-old sister was drawing and sipping her chocolate milk.

"HEY, MARGO," Edith hollered, rather loudly. "IF YOU SEE A BANANA CREAM PIE IN THE FRIDGE, IT'S MINE, SO DON'T EAT IT, OK!?"

Grinning mischievously, Edith returned to her coloring in the dining room. She knew Margo couldn't resist; banana cream was her favorite.

Sure enough, Margo didn't resist for very long; ultimately, she dashed into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and got a face-ful of whipped cream pie.

Edith fell backwards laughing, scattering her crayons all over the ninja picture she was coloring.

"You just got 'EDITH'D', Big Sis!" she choked out in between giggles.

Margo's brown eyes narrowed.

When Gru found out about this, he warned Edith about pulling pranks.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad, it's just a joke," the 7-year-old giggled, picking up her crayons and coloring book and heading for her/her sisters' bedroom.

But Gru caught her by the back of the sweater just as she was about to open the door to the living room.

"I mean eet, meesy," the villain warned. "I need you to promeese me you von't pull any more pranks."

Edith turned to face her adoptive dad, holding her coloring book behind her back with crossed fingers.

"I promise," she declared. "No more pranks."

And she skipped away to her room, already concocting a scheme for her next prank.


	3. At the Playground

PRANK 3: AT THE PLAYGROUND

The Gru family (plus a snoozing Dr. Nefario) was all packed in the tank car, headed for the playground.

Edith couldn't help but smile at the thought of how many pranks she could pull at the park, clutching the toy plane she'd brought along. Agnes noticed her middle sister's smile and was more than a little frightened by it.

About 10 minutes later, the Gru family made it to the park, and Edith was the first one out, jumping out of the tank and landing, catlike, on her feet, her skirt swishing a bit in the wind.

When Gru woke Dr. Nefario up, the experienced inventor freaked out.

"CAPTAIN! IS THE WAR OVER!?"

It started out as a peaceful and quiet day at the park; the girls were playing on the playground, and Gru and Dr. Nefario were collecting pinecones for a "pinecone gun".

Margo was swinging on the swing, Edith was shooting down the slide, and Agnes was building a sand castle - er, MOUND - in the sandbox.

It wasn't 'til Edith noticed her dad's freeze ray lying discarded on a picnic table that she finally decided on a prank.

Grabbing the freeze ray, she blasted an unwitting Agnes with it, yelling, "Freeze ray!"

Gru and Margo both gasped, and the latter hastily unfroze Agnes (who literally seemed completely unaware of what'd just happened). Edith just laughed uncontrollably.

"EDITH'D!"

Gru towered over his middle daughter, forcing her to crane her neck to keep his face in sight.

"Wow, Dad, you're tall!" the tomboy remarked.

Ignoring her comment, Gru said sternly, "Edith, VUT deed I tell you about de pranks?"

"Well, YOU freeze people all the time," Edith scoffed, smug and un-serious as usual.

Dr. Nefario chuckled. "She DOES have a point there, Gr-"

His boss cut him off by throwing a pinecone at his head, which bounced off with a dull THUNK.

"Shutting up," the inventor said quickly.

So once they got home, Gru picked Edith up by the back of her sweater and took her up to her/her sisters' room, grounding her for the night.

But did this discourage Edith? HECK, NO!


	4. What Makes Your Hair Curl

PRANK 4: WHAT MAKES YOUR HAIR CURL

Edith got up early the next morning and made for her dad's bathroom to set up for her next prank.

She grabbed the Irish Spring soap her dad used to wash his bald head and replaced it with Sir Pranxter's Hair-Growth Soap. Then, she ran back to her room, hopped in her bomb bed, and pretended to be asleep, snickering softly to herself.

The Grus had bacon and eggs for breakfast, and then they all got dressed for the day. Edith donned her usual sweater, skirt, and leggings; Margo her shirt, jacket, and plaid skirt; and Agnes her overalls.

While they waited for their dad to get out of the shower, the girls played in the living room. Margo colored while her two younger siblings built a castle out of wooden blocks.

"Hey, Edith," Margo said without looking up from her coloring book. "You haven't pulled any pranks today, HAVE YOU?"

Edith looked to the left, sweating slightly.

"Um, n-no.."

Just then, Gru screamed and stormed out of his bathroom, wearing a beige bathrobe and sporting a curly, black afro atop his previously bald head.

Edith burst into a humongous fit of laughter.

"You've been EDITH'D, Dad!"

Her dad scowled.

"Edith, you're grounded. No trucks or TV for a veek."

"It's all in good fun, Dad," Edith assuaged, still giggling.

"Dad, I think it's time you read THIS," Margo remarked as she grabbed a book off the shelf she'd been saving and handed it to Gru.

Quizzically, the villain held the book up and read the title aloud: " _'What to Do If You Think Your 7-Year-Old Daughter Has ADHD_ by Dr. H. Ohno'."

"What's 'ADHD'?" asked Edith, starting to rebuild her and Agnes' castle with her legging-clad foot tapping seemingly of its own accord.


	5. To Prank a Prankster

FINAL PRANK: TO PRANK A PRANKSTER

Having had enough of her middle sister's pranks, Margo decided it was time to give Edith a taste of her own medicine.

The 10-year-old had Agnes put a bunch of rubber snakes in the 7-year-old's bed, so when she woke up -

"AHHHH! DADDY!"

Edith screamed at the top of her lungs - making Kyle go crazy - and zoomed into their dad's room, jumping on his bed and clinging to him tightly with tears of fright streaming down her face.

Startled, Gru asked his middle daughter what was wrong.

Though she was shaking and crying, the 7-year-old managed to choke out that there were snakes in her bed.

Then the two found out it was all a prank and Margo got a good laugh out of it, but Edith managed to get the last laugh by angrily dumping a bucket of peanut butter over her older sister's head.

Slowly and with a blank look on his face, Gru began making breakfast and reading _What to Do If You Think Your 7-Year-Old Daughter Has ADHD_ while Margo went to go take a shower and the younger two seated themselves at the kitchen table, Edith coloring and sniffing with her eyes still bloodshot and Agnes playing with her bowlbrush unicorn toy.

Then Dr. Nefario shuffled through the kitchen, chomping on a bagel and toting the prototype to the pinecone gun (trademark pending).

"Mornin', Gru, girls," he grunted.

Gru nodded in acknowledgement.

"Morning, Uncle Nefario," Edith and Agnes chanted in unison. Edith sounded as though she had a bad head cold.

Dr. Nefario chortled.

"Oh-ho-ho! 'Ey, Gru, looks like someone -"

Gru cut the inventor off by throwing an egg in his face, covering it in yoke and eggshell.

"Shutting up," Nefario said quickly.

All anger/fear forgotten, Edith giggled in spite of herself.

"Definitely ADHD..." Gru muttered as his inventor shuffled off to the lab.

"What's '80/80', Dad?" Edith asked, still coloring her car picture with her gray eyes still (remarkably) bloodshot.

THE END!

A.N.

The title of this fic is a reference to "Jesus of Suburbia" by Green Day.

The Minions in my fics look like LEGO Rebel Troopers for the sole reason that I hate the Minions.


End file.
